How I Decided to Tell Friends/Family

Alternate title: I'm Bad at Keeping Secrets

This seems like a good place to take a break and update you on how I started sharing about my miscarriage.

I'm sure everyone reacts to miscarriages differently, for me I didn't want to talk about it and I really felt like I couldn't talk about it because so many of my friends (and my sister!) were pregnant.

I told my parents first, over the phone, bad idea.  I think my mom thought I was telling her I was pregnant and I had to keep telling her, no it's sad news, don't be happy.  I told them I didn't want to tell my sisters until after my little sister had her baby and we visited her in December.  Didn't want them to worry about me being sad.

The first friend I had to tell was my boss, who's a man.  He had to know because I left work suddenly and was having all these doctor's appointments.  While it would seem awkward to talk to a man about it (granted I didn't give him the graphic details) he was so amazing and wrote me the kindest, most heartfelt note.

The next friend I told was my social worker friend who had moved to Cali.  I don't remember how it came out, but it did.  And she was so loving and supportive.

I decided to tell another friend, who had already surmised something was up (or so she claims) by my response to our friend being pregnant.

I had planned to not tell anyone else until we were happily and healthily pregnant again, but then...

I had cancelled meeting my friends the weekend of Halloween as the miscarriage was sort of beginning.  One friend called a few weeks later and asked if I just had that stomach bug and if I was feeling better.  I froze and then verbal vomited on her.  It would have been so easy just to say yes, but it felt so good to talk with someone who loved me and genuinely cared about what happened.  I could tell she was crying, too.

I got together for a Christmas Tea with two of my principal friends who are amazing life coaching people.  When I arrived they had big smiles and excitedly asked if I had anything to tell them, and I said, "no just sad news."  As I told them my story and mentioned I was waiting to tell my sisters they encouraged me to tell them because everyone just cares so much about me and wants the best.  And they were right, as I shared with more friends their love and support and concern filled my aching soul.

I'm not saying it's right to share your pain with everyone, but I want you to know that the people who love you, love you and will support you.  Sometimes you need that outside love and support, and it's okay to ask for it.


~CP